


Too Human

by Penthesilea1623



Series: Tied, But Tenderly [6]
Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Family Feels, Family Fluff, Other, parenting fears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 01:35:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14368080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penthesilea1623/pseuds/Penthesilea1623
Summary: Nothing in the Iron Bull's training had ever prepared him to be a parent or how to deal with the fears that come with it. When his son is born he finds himself forced to confront them.





	Too Human

**Author's Note:**

> Something I posted on tumblr a while ago and finally remembered to add to the "Tied but Tenderly" stories about Bull and Elspeth Trevelyan.

If he’d still been part of the Qun he’d have gone to the tamassrans for advice, but that wasn’t an option any more.

That part of his life was done and so he kept his … worries? They were more than that. Fears? Possibly, but his fears had always been more concrete. Demons for instance: you might not see them every day, but you knew they existed, you’d seen what they could do, you knew they could be killed. 

What he was feeling now was more than worry, and less tangible than his usual fears. 

Nothing in his training had prepared him for this

Nothing in his training had even hinted at the absolutely primal need you had to protect your child, to keep them safe at all costs.

And nothing had equipped him to handle the ever present unrelenting fear that you wouldn’t be able to. 

When they’d realized Elspeth was pregnant the first time, they’d both been scared shitless. It was nothing either of them had expected. Shit, they hadn’t even thought it was possible. It hadn’t been an easy pregnancy and healers and midwives alike had expressed concerns about the delivery, given the Elspeth’s size (tiny, he’d always teased her about it) and the size of the child (large by everyone’s reckoning). Bull had been so worried that he’d lose his Kadan that he’d barely spared a thought for his child, not until she arrived after a delivery so easy that it had surprised everyone. He’d stared at his daughter, red-faced and roaring her outrage at having been born, and had taken her in his arms, laughing with delight at the sight of her. The need to protect had been instantaneous as had the fear he’d fail to. He’d no experience with babies, Qunari or human, but she seemed so small, so fragile, so helpless…

No one had ever told him about the fear that came with being a father.

But Taashi grew quickly, and showed herself to be as strong-willed as both her parents. She was a tough little thing, larger than the human children her age and absolutely fearless, striding through Skyhold as if she owned the place, trying to train with her father and the Chargers from practically the moment she could walk.

Iron Bull had beamed with pride as he kept a careful eye on her, and as he watched her his fears and worries eased a bit. He could see his blood in her, in her size and her swagger, and her strength. She was his daughter. Taashi would be fine. He and the Chargers would teach her, train her and with that training and her Qunari inheritance, no one would ever get the better of her.

His fears receded.

It was different when his son was born.

He hadn’t even realized Elspeth was pregnant again when they’d left for the Exalted Council at Halamshiral. He’d been mildly curious when she’d brought up questions about their future, about marriage specifically, but if that was what she wanted he had no problem with it: he had no intention of ever leaving her, whether some Chantry biddy said words over them or not. Whatever she wanted was fine with him, he told her and the smile on Elspeth’s face had told him it had been the right thing to say.

And then everything had gone to crap.

Bull had learned the mark on her hand was killing her. That bastard Solas, Fen-fucking-Harel, or whatever they called him had turned up again and it turned out, with no exaggeration, that everything was his fucking fault, from Corypheus and the hole in the sky, to the fact that Elspeth had lost her arm. 

Things had happened very quickly after that. 

The Inquisition had officially been returned to the control of the Chantry, primarily to placate Orlais and Fereldan.

In truth, and with the blessing of Divine Victoria (one of the smartest things Elspeth had done, making Cassandra Divine), it became more like the organization it had been in Haven and in the early days at Skyhold: smaller, sleeker, easier to track and control, and with one primary purpose, to track down and stop Solas. 

Elspeth been about halfway through the pregnancy before he’d realized it, or rather before he’d let himself see it. 

As if to compensate for the chaos around them, this pregnancy was uneventful and his son was born in late winter when they were still at Skyhold.

Bull had named Taashi after the dragons he loved, so it was Elspeth who chose this baby’s name: Fintan. It translated to ‘white bull’, a tribute to the fact the baby had inherited Elspeth’s pale skin and hair, as well as to the name his father had chosen for himself. Bull had smiled and agreed but to him the name seemed woefully inappropriate.

Sometimes at night Bull would climb out of bed and cross to the cradle where his son slept, staring down at him. _White Bull_ , he’d think, and shake his head. There was nothing bull-like about him. He was all human, small and pale and placid, with Elspeth’s silvery gilt hair and big blue eyes, and no trouble at all. He slept through the night when only a few weeks old, cooed and laughed and smiled, and was so amiable that Elspeth insisted he must be a changeling because the Maker knew he didn’t get it from either of them. Fintan loved everyone, went to everyone, smiled for everyone.

Trusted everyone.

The fear, the worry, fuck it, the downright terror that he’d felt when Taashi was born came back tenfold.

How could he keep this one safe? What chance did someone this small and innocent and pure have in the world they lived in now?

None, Bull thought as he watched him sleep. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t give his life to give him that chance.

He shifted forward in the chair he’d dragged next to the cradle and gently stroked Fintan’s cheek. The babe let out a soft sigh, and his mouth curved into a smile.

If he’d done that to Taashi she would have been instantly awake, and roaring. Taashi had that instinct for self-preservation that her brother seemed to lack completely.

Fintan chose that moment to laugh in his sleep and Bull smiled in spite of himself. 

You couldn’t not love this one.

“I think you got more sleep when Taashi was a baby and she kept us up half the night screaming.” Elspeth commented as she came up beside him. 

Bull gave a noncommittal grunt but reached out an arm and pulled her close. 

She looked down at Fintan and a smile curved her lips. “He’s so beautiful.” She murmured. “It still surprises me.”

“He’s too human.” The words left Bull’s mouth before he could stop them. 

Elspeth’s whole body went stiff. “What the fuck does that mean?” She demanded loudly and angrily enough that Fintan made a soft sound of protest. 

She pushed between Bull and the crib, laying her hand on the baby’s chest and rubbing gently. “Shhh, Fintan. Mummy’s here.” She said softly, but her eyes when she raised them to look at Bull were practically shooting sparks. She glared at him, waiting for an answer.

Bull tried, he truly tried to not say it out loud. “He’s weak.” He muttered.

Elspeth’s nostrils flared in anger. “Because he looks human?” She hissed quietly. “Because he looks like me?”

Bull hesitated, trying to think of a way to answer that that wouldn’t result in a lightning bolt up his ass, but before he could say anything she spoke again.

“You think I’m weak?” Her voice dared him to confirm it.

He stood slowly. “I think you’re the strongest person I know, you know that.” He said carefully. “But, Kadan, he’s not you…”

“Don’t you dare Kadan me, you …” She shouted

“You’ve got your magic!” Bull said shouting over her. He pointed at the crib. “He’s got nothing to protect him!”

Fintan let out a small whimper.

“And who’s to say he won’t have magic too?” Elspeth demanded. “And even if he doesn’t, why does that mean he’s weak? Maybe he’ll be human enough to use the brains in his head instead of just whacking things with a big stick, like his Qunari father does.”

“There’s nothing of me in him!” Bull roared. “I don’t know how to teach him to be safe! What happens when I’m not there? Who’s going to protect him?” He ended shouting so loudly that he achieved the impossible: Fintan woke, and started crying, a frail pathetic sound that seemed to only emphasize Bull’s fears.

“Shit.” He muttered and sank back into the chair, rubbing his forehead. He thought Elspeth would soothe the baby, but the crying didn’t stop and when he looked up Elspeth was staring at him open-mouthed

“Of all the idiotic…” She said under her breath. “Is that what this is about?” She didn’t wait for his reply but turned back to the crib making soothing noises as she carefully lifted Fintan out, slipping her right arm around and under him and using what remained of her left to push him more securely into the crook of her arm, and then to brace his back as she straightened.

Bull watched her, his hands clenched at his sides. If Elspeth Trevelyan had valued her independence and self-sufficiency before losing her arm, it was nothing compared to now. He knew better than to try and help her unless she asked, and though it had taken months he knew that now, finally, she would ask him for help if she needed it.

But, watching her put such effort into the act of simply lifting their son out of his cradle, seemed to only emphasize the baby’s vulnerability. 

Fintan was still fussing, and Elspeth lifted him a little higher so she could rest her cheek against his head as she bounced him gently. “It’s all right, sweetheart. We’re going to show Daddy what a silly ass he’s being, aren’t we?” She glanced down at Bull. “Close your eyes and hold out your hands.” She told him.

He frowned at her, not understanding, and she rolled her eyes. 

“Just do it.” She told him.

And so he did as she asked, and she lowered Fintan into his hands and Bull automatically shifted him into the crook of his arm. He started to open his eyes to look at the boy.

“No.” Elspeth said sharply. "Keep your eyes closed.” She took a hold of his hand and to his surprise pressed a kiss to the palm.

His head crooked to one side in question. “Kadan?”

“Shh.” She told him. She moved his hand to the top of Fintan’s head. “What do you feel?”

He stroked the boy’s silky hair. “Hair as soft as yours, Kad…” His voice broke off as his fingers brushed against something, a small bump.

It couldn’t be…

He quickly moved his hand to the other side of Fintan’s small head and, yes, there it was, a second bump.

A second horn bud.

He opened his eyes and looked at Elspeth, afraid to look at the baby, afraid to ask if it were true.

She was grinning at him, that smirk of a superior smile that he loved so much. “Still think he’s got nothing of you in him?” She asked.

A grin spread across his face as he turned to look at his son, brushing aside the silver gilt hair: and there they were, two little horns, almost ready to break through the skin. He brushed his thumb against them, first one and then the other, rubbing gently and Fintan let out a low coo of delight that made Bull laugh. “You like that do you?” 

Elspeth moved closer, leaning against him, reaching out a finger to the baby who curled his hand around it. “They don’t hurt him do they?” She asked.

“Nah. It’s more itchy than anything. Maybe a little sore when they come through, but nothing he can’t handle.” Fintan had horns. His son had horns. He could work with horns, teach him how to care for them, how to use them. His smiled deepened. “Horns up!” he growled softly to his son.

Fintan gurgled in delight, waving his arms and legs excitedly, as if he knew all about the Chargers already and couldn't wait to be a part of them. It made both his parents laugh.

Bull looked up at Elspeth, and found her smiling indulgently down at them. "Kadan," he started to say, started to apologize, but she leaned down and pressed a kiss between his own horns.

“Horns up.” She agreed.


End file.
